As a single person I am constantly barraged by things in the media that tell me I need to be in a romantic relationship. My own desires tell me that I need to be in a relationship. And when I am around couples, that desire grows.
I was at Engage earlier this year, sitting in the congregation and trying to listen to what the awesome speakers were saying. In front of me was a couple, arms around each other, cuddling up to each other and, if I remember correctly, holding hands. I was left to sit behind them, unable to focus on the talk, as there was no way to just 'look away and try to forget it'. They were right in front of me, and there was nothing I could do about it. For me, it was a huge distraction that was barring me from real learning.
I just wish sometimes that couples would see past their own happiness and 'loved-up'-ness to see what their actions are doing to other people. I am trying so hard to practice contentment in my situation and to use my time effectively in this season of singleness. When I see display pics of couples looking into each others' eyes, kissing, or holding onto each other, there's something inside of me that goes, 'Hang on, why don't I have that? I want that! Why can't I have that?' It messes with my mind that is so desperately trying to convince itself that my worth does not come from having a romantic partner. It affects my self-esteem, I start feeling bad about myself, negative self-talk ensues until I forget about it and consciously try to perk up (prayer helps too).
I am not saying that people shouldn't be happy. I know that romantic relationships can bring much joy, and I am genuinely happy for people who have found someone that they like to spend time with, and that person also likes to spend time with you, too. Please just consider that your single peers are struggling sometimes and that your actions can magnify that struggle for them. There is a time for everything, please don't be so loved-up when you're at church, or in a group. Church is a place where we are all one in Christ Jesus, so let's look out for each other.
Philippians 2:1-4 1If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
what a brilliant post.
ReplyDeleteI find the same thing exactly.
It's not just that you're annoyed that a friend isn't hanging out with you (although sometimes that gets a bit hard) but it actually makes the temptation greater.
it's the same thing as girls wearing inappropriate clothes around guys - it's causing others to stumble.
I love when I can hang out with a group of people where two people are going out and it's not insanely obvious - they have their moments, but they don't have to be joined at the hip the entire time.
especially at church, as you said, where we are called to strengthen one another in Christ. I'm all for couples sitting next to each other at church or when you go out to dinner etc, but if they could keep there hands off each other for that short moment of time it would mean all the single people there wouldn't be constantly thinking "dammit, why can't I have someone like that? What's wrong with me?" and can get on with growing and maturing in their time of singleness.
anyway, I just re-said everything you said but amen sister!
Thanks Polly, good to know I'm not alone in feeling like this.
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