Time after time...

What's the deal with time?

Like, have you ever pondered why we as humans need 9 hours of sleep a day? That's at least 1/3 of our whole day. Man, we think we're so tough and so cool and so smart and yet we need that much sleep? We are human, after all.

If we're late to things, we get in trouble. If we are early to things, we think, 'Man, I could've spent that last 10 mins in bed'. 

We have routines that tell us what to spend our time on. 1 hour getting ready. 40 mins on the train. 4 hours in class. Eat lunch. Go home. Watch some tele. Hang with friends. Make dinner, sit with family, watch more tv/facebook, hop in the shower, sleep. Repeat.

The question for me is....how should I be spending my time as a single, Christian woman? Am I doing enough? I know that's not really the question, but I think it anyway. Should I be spending so much time at uni when I'm pretty sure I only ever want to work part-time in a paid position? Well, I think that's ok. There's still value in education.

I'd hate to think how many hours I spend on facebook. Is that downtime, or am I spending too much time on there? 

The thing I hate the most about time is when it is all filled up. I don't think our lives were designed to be so busy. Or maybe we should be busy, but we aren't filling our lives with the right stuff to be occupying our time with. 

Ecclesiastes says there is a time for everything. I haven't fully figured out what that means, but I think it's helpful. I trust in God's timing - that He knows best and knows what He's doing with my life. God also wants me to trust Him when time seems to just be moving along...and nothing is happening. Trust God, trust God, trust God. There is a time for everything.

Warning: counter-cultural views inside

I'm a big fan of thinking, and being challenged in my thinking, because I think it's where our motives and actions spring from. Emo or whatever, these are a few questions that have been on my mind recently or for the past few months.  

1. Why (so often) does pensive = depressing ? 2. Why is there tension between this life and the next? 3. Why is it hard to tear down the walls that hold our real selves inside? 4. Why do we try so hard to look good when the room we stand in is dark? 5. Why do we stop for red traffic lights in our cars, but not when we're pedestrians? 6. Why do we continue to plan 'our lives' and rarely stop to consider that this is actually God's life to use? 7. Should I feel guilty about children in third world countries or see my blessings as just that, blessings from God and to be enjoyed? 8. Is the preacher right when he says, 'Meaningless! Meaningless! Utterly meaningless!'? 9. How is it that music can penetrate heart and mind in one person, and leave the next totally indifferent? 10. Can we ever really be sure of our thoughts and intentions until we extract ourselves fully from certain situations?  

So many things in this life are uncertain. Jobs, relationships, financial situations, moods. I take comfort in the fact that Jesus Christ is the same, today, tomorrow and forever. Never changing. And He wants me to be reconciled to God. This realisation is life-altering in the fullest sense of the word. This IS the meaning of life. I live not my own life but God's plan for my life. God promises that those who believe in Jesus Christ will be saved. Does believing in God centre in your life? Do your decisions and motives and time and energy revolve around this fact? Don't waste your life. 'Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain'. In vain!! Meaningless. I pray that my life is not in vain. Because if I truly believe the gospel, that Jesus Christ died for sinners and those who don't believe are going to hell, then how could I build my life on anything else but that?? Not even music!  

This is why I'm pretty passionate about Titus 2, and women training younger women and children. I think that some married women are pursuing career over building God's kingdom. Can you imagine what women could do for the gospel if all married women quit their jobs (or went part time)? There would be NO shortage of scripture teachers like there is now. The relationships in our church would grow and nurture because no-one would be 'too tired' after a full week of work. Women would have time to meet up with other women and fellowship with each other. I don't just mean catch up. I mean train each other in the gospel. Sit down and read a passage of scripture, talk about it, pray about it, figure out how to spread this awesome gospel that God has given us. Be involved in youth groups! Encourage each other to submit to their husbands,to love their children, to love God's people! For support when times are tough. 

Are we too busy planning our careers that we forget that women and men are different? Of course women feel a tension about doing full-time work and being mums! It was never meant to be that way! I don't think the stereotype of the 'career-woman' is a biblical principle. Yes, the Proverbs 31 woman is industrious, buys shares, etc, etc. But her main role is in looking after her family.

Of course, there are more questions that arise out of this. I'd love your thoughts. I truly believe this is the way God structures our relationships so that the gospel is number 1. I wonder if we have compartmentalised our lives to the point that we believe in God and trust in Him and do all these great events for him, but our lifestyles aren't actually promoting mission.  

So, yes, I'm a big fan of thinking, because too often we fall into society's thinking and don't realise our intentions or motives for doing things. If our intentions aren't to honour God, then our lives aren't pleasing Him. Surely living a Godly life should be our deepest motive.

There's something about this family.

One of the best things about being a Christian is the family of Christians around you. I especially love when you realise that someone you've met is a Christian, or random conversations with Christians you've never met before.

Today I found out that someone I know from uni, who I'd taken a few classes with and had talked to a little bit, was a Christian! It is so awesome when you realise that someone who you had know idea was a child of God is actually part of God's family! It's so encouraging.

I was once on the train with my bible open and a (I think) Korean lady started talking to me about how Jesus had come into her heart and made her happy. We had a good old chat about it, and I thought, man, this is so awesome. Chats with random strangers on the train is such a cultural no-no (or at least it doesn't happen very often) but it was so encouraging that we had something in common that allowed us to do that! (Her name was Jin, which I thought was hilarious....Jin..Jen...Jin..you get the point.)

Another time, about two months ago, I was sitting in a waiting room waiting for my pump education to start, and the educator introduces me to a girl who was also getting a pump with me. I didn't really get to chat to her much but I did find out that she was 22, married, and worked at St Vinnies, and I had a tiny tiny feeling that she might be Christian. (If you're a Christian, you'll understand why I thought that after I found out she was 22 and married! People who aren't Christian just don't 'tie' themselves down so early in life!!)  I didn't see her again until my minister's ordination, where I found out she was my minister's son's godmother! Talk about coinky dink. Another awesome example of how God connects his people.

I hope these random meetings with my brothers and sisters in Christ happen more in the future because it's so encouraging to know that there are others out there, living their lives for Christ...how awesome.

The hills are alive with the sound...

It's weird.

I'm actually enjoying uni. Very weird. Tuesday is probably the best day, I have popular music studies and jazz history. Pop studies is engaging and I love talking about all the issues and how people view things and how caught up music is with boundaries and stereotypes and limitations! And jazz history is just plain fun.

It's weird.

It's like I've rediscovered music. It happens when a song comes on that seems to fit the shape of my heart and I feel completely in sync with it. I get the same feeling when I read the bible and am reinforced in my beliefs that I am nothing, nothing at all and yet God in his abundant mercy and love accepts me as I am because of Jesus. There's nothing that beats that...nothing. What is music is there is not God? God created music. How could I ever worship music over God? Never. 

It's weird. I have never considered my having a lifelong medical condition to be a barrier to my faith in God.... suffering does not negate God. For he came down to earth in human form and endured suffering of the greatest kind, for me and for you. And I'm complaining that I have a sucky pancreas? Never. Even in the midst of suffering, I see my blessings for all they're worth. Amazing. Wonderful. The best. I have life through Jesus.

I know this post is a little all over the place, but you know when you have an urge to just write something of significance, of worth, something worth reading? I had that urge, and I'm not sure I fulfilled it, but I did it anyway. I admire people whose every word is a word that is worth hearing. There aren't too many of those people around, I for one am definitely not one. But the people that are, are pure gold.

Pumped...and pooped

I got my pump on Monday and it has been amazing. The first day I had it, I didn't have a reading over 9.5. This probably doesn't mean much until you realise I was getting readings of 15 and above almost everyday (for the non-diabetians reading this blog, the aim is to get readings between about 5 and 8).

The freakiest part was actually putting the cannula in. It's put in around a little needle that gets taken out when inserted. I was totally freaked out the first time I had to do it, sure, I've had needles everyday for the majority of my life but the unknown is still scary. Turns out it doesn't hurt at all, a tiny bit of stinging afterwards but incredibly manageable.

I just had to put it in again (the cannula and infusion set need to be changed about every 3 days) and it was a bit scary. Although I wasn't planning a set change until tomorrow, my blood sugars were heading up and so I thought it was to do with needing a set change. I'll have to wait for the results to see if it worked.

So overall it has been amazing for blood sugar control, but it's a lot more work than needles. It's a big thing, to be attached to a machine 24/7. Hopefully I'll get used to it soon.

Pump it

You might already know that I have had Type 1 diabetes since I was 8 and a half, which means I've had the condition for over 12 years. There's no known cause of Type 1 diabetes (as opposed to Type 2 which is genetic and/or lifestyle related.) During the 12+ years that I've had diabetes, I've had about 13, 000 needles, pricked my fingers about double that to test blood sugar, and seen an endocrinologist every three months. 

It sounds like a sucky disease, and, of course, there are times when I really resent having a disease that I sometimes have little control over. But most of the time I cope really well with having diabetes to the point where I now think it's part of my identity. I often think about how I would feel if a cure for diabetes was ever found, and surprise myself when I think that maybe I'd miss having it. Go psychoanalyse me.

Anyway, the point of this blog, is to announce that I'm getting an insulin pump! For the past 12 years I've treated my diabetes with first, insulin vials and syringe injections. Then came pen needles, which were way more convenient and easier to use. Now, I'm gonna be attached to a pump 24/7 which sends a constant stream of insulin into my body through a tiny tube and cannula. 

The pump more accurately mimics the normal functioning of the pancreas than needles, and I am so looking forward to managing my blood sugars more easily, being able to not eat when I don't want to, and having one needle per 3 days as opposed to 4 per day. The downside are that I'm connected to a pump 24/7, and have to carb count as though my life depended on it. I think its going to be worth it though. I feel so hopeless about my readings, like there is nothing I can really do about it (although I know that if I tried harder I could achieve better results). 

It annoys me that people still think that having diabetes is all about not eating sugar. Most diabetes have a pretty regular diet, they just have to keep everything in moderation and in balance with insulin levels.

It's gonna be awesome not having to leave the table to do my 'drugs'. I'm not sure how being attached to a pager-looking pump all the time is going to go...apparently it takes some getting used to. Hopefully I won't get questioned by people about it all the time. Not that I'm opposed to sharing that part of my life with people, but I'm becoming more self-conscious about having diabetes. I'm not sure why.

Anyway, if you're a person who prays, please ask God that I can cope with the change, and that I'll be motivated to do all the right things with the pump for my health, and that I trust God in everything, and that I look forward to the day in heaven when I won't need a pump at all.....

What the frig is wrong with the world?

I turn on the radio, and a dad in Melbourne has thrown his little girl off a bridge.  Schools students are gang raping another school student.  What the frig is going on.

Of course I know the answer to this question, and so do you. We live in a fallen world, where people don't care about their maker. By extension, they reject all that is good and live for themselves instead of accepting God's rightful (and BETTER) rule over their lives. And so we have people who are only thinking of themselves. Who think that they are God.

Usually the news doesn't move me this much. Usually I'm not surprised at all by the stupor of this world of which I am part. There have been times where I have been really low, I felt hopeless and cried over the seeming insignificance of my life. But I could never, ever, ever, even contemplate hurting an innocent child. I am in love with kids on a normal day, but even more recently I've been blessed by their presence and joy. I am starting to teach a Sunday school class this year and am looking forward to it so much. All this is why I am astounded as to how someone could throw a kid to their death.

I also wanna say that I can understand that some people get so low that they can do these things. It's in no way acceptable, but some people have big problems bigger than I could ever understand. Maybe I can't understand why they do this stuff, and never will. This world is stuffed up.  What do we do?

There is always, always a better way. God has proven his perfect love for us - why would we run away from that? No matter how low someone is, God understands. No matter how hopeless, insignificant or ugly you or I may ever feel, God understands. And welcomes me back.

Sometimes I thank God, because I know that there is a bigger plan in all of this madness, and I know my life and yours is a precious part of that.